Mar. 9th, 2011

2 years on

Mar. 9th, 2011 07:00 am
jezebelblue: (broken jezebel)

It's two years today Poppa-Bear. There isn't a day I don't think of you, remember some little tidbit of advice, wonder what you think, would think.

I always say that if I am half the person you were, I would be proud of myself. I have failed at that, but I keep trying.

But there are good things...I know you can see, but...just in case you were busy playing poker with Frank Sinatra where ever you are...Ted and I are back together. Yeah, Kid Nerves. But he makes me happy..and I promise you - he treats me in a way that you would be proud of.

I miss much...every kid knows that one day they will have to say goodbye to their parents, but I never realised how much it would hurt to see you slowly leave us or the pain that wouldn't just be that day, the days immediately after or even now.

I will make you proud of me...I promise.

(and can I please thank Emmie, Sally, Mark, Steve, Juliet, and Twiggy for all their support during those horrible first few hours and days - you were my rocks and I will always be in debt to you for it. Some of you put aside personal issues, some actually got me packed and on the plane, some of you just let me cry for what seemed like hours. If I have forgotten someone - I am sorry...those days are just big blurs.)
jezebelblue: (broken jezebel)
Can't it get easier???

I have spent the day split between crying and sleeping. I just miss him soooo much. I just want him back. I want his American middle class guidance, his common sense. His stupid laugh. The way he protected me. The way that he would get around my mom so I could do what I wanted. (Rob's prom in 1985 springs to mind) The $20 or so given to me when I needed it. Sitting in the living room watching telly and he talking on and on...never minded it. He was my hero...

Annmarie says I should I do something special on this day so that I am not so sad...

I can't.

I want my dad...I just want my dad...

They say that you get over this...I don't think I ever ever ever will. I love my Ted...but my heart will always be broken.


jezebelblue: (Default)

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