jezebelblue | Recent Entries

1. What did you do in 2012 that
you'd never done before?
Became a pure project manager...something I have wanted to do for years...but never had the chance.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for
next year?
I don't do them

3. & 4. Did anyone close to you give birth? Did anyone close to you
die? Did anyone close to you get married?
Gosh, I guess I had a bit of a death with the relationship with my mother. I also married again, the most amazing man in the world

5. What countries did you visit?
The US.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
My husband legally in this country

7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 8th...our London wedding day...it was amazing

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Being a project manager

9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't think I had a biggest failure...just small ones that I dealt with

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
God,I have been soo ill this year...let's not get into it.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My best thing was bringing Ted over and the wedding

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Ted...'nuff said

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Nobody really...

14. Where did most of your money go?
See number 11

15. What events did you get really, really, really excited about?
The wedding. Ted arriving in London. Whitby.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
except our wedding song, don't have one

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) Happier or sadder? appier...definitely
b) Thinner or fatter? hinner
c) Richer or poorer?

( Error: Irreparable invalid markup in entry. Raw contents behind the cut. )

Some of you know this already, but I thought it best to tell people however formally FB/Live Journal can be.

Due to visa issues (that I really don't want to go into...seriously), Ted's visitor visa is up at the end of November (Americans are allowed 6 months in the UK) and he will have to return to NY. The plan is that he will fly to NY on the 21st of November, I will meet him there on the 14th of December, we will fly to Florida for Christmas and then he will be back with me on the 27th of December...hopefully not having any trouble with immigration when we return.

Before anyone asks...we are not breaking up...we are more committed to one another now than when we married - both times. It's been a roller coaster since he arrived, but I have loved every minute of being with this exceptionally special man. He is the love of my life and I have never felt so adored, loved, and supported.

We won't be out until he leaves, trying to spend as much time together before he does. Hence why no public birthday celebrations this year for me.

Added onto the fact that I am mainly the sole breadwinner in the family (although complete respect to my husband for working at the agency on the most mundane/boring/below his skills and intelligence jobs whenever they are offered), our money is exceedingly tight, so going out may not be much on the cards. Everyone is welcome to come to mine for games nights, tv nights, even movie nights...but I am going to really cut back on spending to have any chance to for us to have a decent holiday in Florida (we never have had a honeymoon), support him while he is in NY, feed 5 cats,....oh and continue to be bled dry by the Home Office.

It sucks..especially as I have had to work late recently which takes time away from him...but we are soldiering on...Skype will be happy, as the hours people use their services will rise again. We've done it for ages, we can do it again...I just hope all the kitties will make a truce so they will all sleep on his side of the bed...having an empty house when I get home is one thing (I might enjoy having a tidied house tee hee), but an empty bed...*sigh*

That's the story, my little glories!

Firstly, if you want my professional credentials for this rant, email me....you can have them.

I know that competition dancing has an element of 'tricks' in them...I get that...yep. But dance stepping away from a cold definition of the noun and the verb, it is the interpretation of music through movement. It is finding the meaning to a piece of music and bringing it to life and bringing it to the audience. It could be just your interpretation of it (this especially applies to classical or abstract pieces of music) or what is commonly known as the meaning of the music (although how interesting if someone can take the traditional version of Happy Birthday and interpret that in a different way?)

Watching some young dancers today, I despair. Yep, you can put your foot in places that are ridiculous, stretch in ways that make rubber bands jealous but when you are done, I haven't been left with anything but the same feeling after seeing an artistic or rhythmic gymnastics routine. Impressed by the tricks, but left empty on emotion. I want to FEEL something, not just be IMPRESSED by something.

Look, I have done pieces where the music was so abstract and asking the choreographer (even it was myself) what that piece is about brought blank faces. But there was something there...it wasn't just being able to lift myself from being on my knees through my toes, it was having light and dark, soft and hard, shades of light and of movement. People could walk away with their own interpretation of the feeling that was being sent across...discuss it...be changed by it. Not go home saying 'wow did you see how she could put her foot over her head and touch her ass?' but go home and debate why that male dancer pushed that female dancer away and whether it was about love, jealousy, retribution, solution, remembrance, acceptance, forgiveness....see what I am getting to?

The dancers that have been my heroes have not always been the most technically amazing...but I walked away feeling something. Yes, I was impressed by the Nicholas Brothers who some could say were trick dancers, as that is normally what you see of film clips of them (usually they leaping over each other on a large stair case and landing in splits) but when they danced, when they tapped, the joy in their faces, how they took that feeling through to their feet and made a language of sound...wow...I smile just thinking about it.

One could debate that there are tricks in ballet. Example, the 32 turns in Giselle's mad scene. Yes...gotcha, that is a 'trick' but it is part of the dance showing the despair, the disintegration of Giselle's mind and her anguish. It wasn't put there just to impress but to EXPRESS. That is a HUGE difference. Use the tricks to enhance and express...When there is jubilation - hit that huge grande jete, when you are expressing (lyrically or story line alone), that the wind has been whipped out of you, use that for the huge backbend break or whatever...make it the story...not the distraction.

Some could say that I have a traditional or old fashioned view of dance and I should open my mind. Oi, it took me years to really accept hip hop and other styles of street dance as dance. But there is a reason for that and probably shows how old fashioned I am. It was when those styles of dance actually incorporated expression, emotion and storytelling that I went, yeah dudes...go for it (I am still inept at the style of dance to be honest)

If I ever have a child who wants to dance (and if the world is a good place for me, that will happen, otherwise, I will have a child who has two left feet and couldn't do a plie if their lives depended on it), I will ensure that they will dance, not trick; emote and express, not just impress; make people feel, not just go wow...

Okay...rant over.

Okay...I know...I know...it's this hyped up Hallmark created holiday which is ridiculous because you should show your partner every day how much you care....yadda yadda yadda. YAWN!

I have always loved Valentine's Day...sans two...as no matter what, I had a Valentine - my dad...who, when healthy, never failed to make sure that I knew someone thought I was special. And just to cover that, 'but what about the rest of the year?' argument - he did.

Personally I find the haters of Valentine's Day fall into a few categories:
1) You don't have someone so you are feeling lonely with so much marketing around you telling you that you are worthless because you are alone. Fair enough dude. Got it...But there are some ways of dealing with that:
- the first thing NOT to do is to put down people who are celebrating and enjoying the day. Just don't piss on other people's wet dreams okay? It just makes you look bitter and sad
- the second is think about not whether YOU are getting a Valentine, but who can you make your Valentine. Valentine's Day is NOT just about romantic love (my dad proved that) but,especially if you want to go beyond the romantic hype of the day, about just showing someone in a little more than normal, that they are special. Take your best mate out to dinner or send him/her a card...whatever. Everyone loves to feel special and although we would all like it every day, at least there is one day that you can do it without (hopefully) seeming like a gushy, mushy idiot (or stalker)

2) You do have someone and you sit and whinge about it being a made up holiday:
- Um, it isn't and as many of these people are very intellectual and intelligent, please go on google and check it out.
- Accept that we live in a world of capitalism and yes, marketing and companies are going to take advantage of the holiday and try to make money. Deal with it.
- You don't HAVE to buy roses, cards, go out to an overpriced meal. One of my best Valentine's Days ever was takeaway Chinese over the kitchen table and my gift was pillows for his bed in his house. There wasn't a blooming rose in sight...Wait he did get me flowers...Iris...because someone who gets me roses doesn't really know me and I shouldn't be dating them in the first place.
The point is - YOU make the holiday if you want to make it a holiday. You don't have to follow the rules and considering the kind of people I know some of these haters are, I kind of scratch my head about bitching...you don't follow the rules on most conventional things, why would you do on this?
- Again - you know what? I don't want to hear you put down the fact that I like to celebrate Valentine's Day. I love it. I have loved it single or not (the two times I didn't was when my dad couldn't send me a card either because he was too ill or dead)...perhaps I didn't have the greatest of times, but I made it for me. I brought in stuff to work (chocolates, cupcakes), I sent cards to friends who mean the world to me and I sometimes don't give them the love or attention I should or am able to...I made the holiday work with MY definition of it.
- And you still look bitter and sad if you piss all over my wet dream...

So I am going to enjoy this Valentine's Day with my absolutely gorgeous husband.

And just to add...I have one of the best men in the world...I know he thinks I am special every moment of the day...he not only tells me, but shows me. And I am so thankful....BUT :) if we want to make one day a little more special and all about us? (aside from our wedding day?)...bite me if you have an issue with it!

Hello LJ...sorry I have been lapse in being here. I read...I promise. I even comment...but posting myself is something that I have been not doing.

Anyway so....what has happened?

I married my best friend, the light of my life, the ying to my yang, the chaos to my balance, the love that I lost and happily, thankfully found again...my Ted (are you gagging now? Sorry I can't help with barf bags). I know I sound like a Hallmark card on crack, but I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Yes, like everyone, he has his foibles (like I have), but even when he is driving me crazy (like leaving shit everywhere!!), we end up laughing about it..and there is a snuggle or a Skype-kiss at the end of it.

The wedding is a blur..the whole day is sort of.

( The wedding day )

So that was the wedding. Pre-wedding, we had lots of running around getting stuff done, dinner with my family, Christmas Eve with my family, Christmas Day with Ted's family, lunch with both families (so they could meet pre-wedding). There was shopping, making of favours, almost falling over at the price of the cigars my Dad used to smoke, football, me behaving semi-Bridezilla, Ted being amazingly patient and wonderful, becoming friends (and also buying out all of the particular pinot grigio I like) with the local liquor store, my nails getting done (yes, I actually had girly hands!), small panics, large panics...lots of laugh and giggles. Post-wedding, there was a blissful NYE alone and at home with Ted (way too much alcohol), baking cookies, making lasagna and meatballs together, shopping, dinner out at the venue we had the wedding at (I wanted to actual eat the food everyone raved about and I couldn't eat!), Ted's painful toothache, lots of giggles and laughs and love.

Oh - one moment that will be forever making me smile...we went to the supermarket to get stuff for our NYE feast when we were standing at the start of an aisle and I heard it...our wedding song. It's a Bon Jovi song, 'You wanna make a memory' and it wasn't a huge hit (I didn't even think it was released as a single until someone told me!) so most people don't know it. To have it played so randomly was just kismet I think...We had a little dance and snog much to the bemusement of the people there.

Of course, there was the airport and going back, me crying, Ted trying to hold it together. To be honest, he was in so much pain from his tooth, it helped him keep his mind off me leaving. At least that's what he said!

I go back in February for a visit...in the meantime, we are sorting out tons of paperwork and red tape for both Ted and the kitties.

So...what have you been up to?

( food meme thing )

I just got a call from my GP who was upset that I was there this morning and not seen by him. He's offered to come by but I assured him that I am okay and just suffering from a lurgy...then he threw me a curveball...He's leaving the practice to move up north due to his wife's job relocating...AAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHH! He is my champion and he even he admits I won't get the treatment (some people say special treatment as who gets appointments as quickly as I do?) and that he will try to speak to his colleagues to ensure I am a 'special case'.

I will miss him horribly...he really cared. And someone who took the care to understand my life and situation in a medical way and just not dismiss me. (as my previous GP did)

Having a medical hero in your corner when you have ME is a godsend in the NHS. He cut through red tape, made people understand a condition they normally dismiss...and I am tempted to follow him up north. (I won't...but gosh, it's so tempting)

GP's like him are far and few between...he worked with my lifestyle, my work life...he worked to make me a controller of my illness and not a victim of it. And because of his interest and care (and from what I saw on his bookshelves an ever increasing library of work on ME) he took a genuine interest in my case. I am sad...and worried. What will I get next?

I have to say that this trip started so badly that I seriously thought it was a sign from the gods of 'something'...

First, I fell asleep waiting for the cab and left a half hour later than I wanted...which means that there was a rush to eat Wags and then get to the plane.

Then, well, my ME/CFS hit (stress? exhaustion?) and I ended being very ill on the flight. Yes, I was the person that held everyone up getting off the plane as I was taken off in a wheelchair. I give HUGE kudos to the staff on the flight and at JFK, including the police, who were amazing and got me sorted and to Ted. He took me home, put me on the couch and tenderly took care of me. My angel.

We woke up the next morning to get ready for the wedding and everything kept going wrong. First, I realised that somehow I didn't back the stockings for my dress, then my hair tongs wouldn't power up, and I seemed to have forgotten my mousse as well. There was a frantic trip to the shop for stuff and then I rushed through doing my hair - which meant it was not what I wanted exactly. Coupled with being shaky from the attack the night before and all the stress, I am sure I was not myself at the wedding. I really tried...and Ted and I had a few dances and some laughs, but honestly, I wasn't myself. Ted's mom's wedding was lovely and it was odd to be called the 'fiance' and to be included in the family photos. And accepted all the congratulations! It was a surreal day and I was kind of happy to get back to the house and to relax.

Over the next few days there was wedding stuff...and lots of it...and my trip went from disaster to lovely - all to do with my Ted. So what did we get done?

- all the invites have been addressed and sent (sans 3, to be explained later)
- we met with the woman who is doing our ceremony...which made me cry as we talked about my dad...she has sent us the first draft and we need to go through it but it's looking like a tear jerker of a ceremony
- the flowers have been sorted thanks to my 'uncle' who is doing them for free and understood what I was looking for (elegant wildness)
- we saw two photographers. We haven't chosen one yet...we need to have a think about them
- we got Ted's suit for the wedding...which is fantastic and will be tailored to him
- we bought our placeholder wedding bands. For the London wedding, we will have ones designed by Sally, but as finance and the fact that Sally just gave birth to Violet, we thought it would be better to have these for now and the 'real' ones at the wedding in London. Luckily, we both found ones we liked (they aren't matching) and so they should be ready for Ted to pick up in about a week or so (his is a special order titanium, mine needs to be resized)

On top of that, we saw my sister and mother and I managed not to kill them or want to kill myself. Although, mom did exactly as I predicted to Ted the morning that we went to see them - comment on my weight. Literally, it didn't take her more than 10 minutes to say something about it. ('Have you lost more weight?') Ted and I just laughed....

On top of THAT, (thanks to Ted for thinking of it), we visited my old dance company/studio and saw Michele and Lori, plus girls that were just mere little ones when I last saw them...it was surreal, but oh so lovely. Reminds me how much I miss proper dance studios....must speak to them about either taking class or teaching a master class when I am back in December for the wedding.

On top of THAT, we visited my old friends Phil and Lisa who will hopefully be at the wedding. We had a fantastic Italian meal and some great wine and I got to meet their darling son Andrew, who I last saw when he was about 6 months old.

We did have (and continue to have) a bit of a scare, as Ted's dad has had a heart attack (we found out as we left the post office from sending off wedding invites) and needs surgery. There was a chance that we were going to have to go Pennsylvania and me staying longer, but later phone calls changed that...surgery is not until Tuesday and Ted felt it was better I went back to the UK...

Despite Ted having to work, we spent a lot of time together, yes, busy doing wedding stuff, but enough down time (and watching American football - he's such a saint)....I am the luckiest girl in the world having someone who loves me as ornery as I can be, as cranky as I can be and as silly as I can be.

So on Sunday, I got into a bit of a funk knowing I would have to leave. Don't get me wrong...no offense to those who live in NY, especially Long Island, but I feel trapped whenever I am there...I couldn't wait to leave for that reason. But to leave my Ted just made me so sad...so miserable...He should be coming on the plane with me and I can't wait for that to be the case. He's just so good for me...to me...ok, I know that they ~have~ to say things, but all the wedding people we met spoke about how great we are together...and it was nice to hear....

Anyway, I am back home...missing Ted...although I love being back to my home and my kitties....just wish Ted was here.. :(

I would like to have something intelligent to say about what has been going on, get all philosophical about it, or have some great political insights...but I don't or a lot of what I think has been said much better than I could or will.

What I will say is that I don't like feeling scared, anxious. I don't like worrying about my friends and their safety.

I don't like Ted worrying about me, or my mom worrying about me. It's not fair to them.

We did have some 'jokes' in the office - like 'I would actually go and loot sheets, the Egyptian ones...and a kettle. Go for the stuff no one thinks of...like everyone steals a plasma screen!'

*sigh*

There is rumour that there is something going on in Highgate. I am close enough that I would hear sirens I would think, but it's quiet.

Pillowcases are at the door, just in case, for the kitties. Just in case.

Things are happening in Jezzie Land.
- argument with mom about wearing Dad's ring around my neck at the wedding. This caused a lot of tears and is still not resolved. Why my mother cannot understand that I want to wear it and that I am not taking it forever is beyond me. I am leaving it for now, but I am still seething about it.

- my family has added 14 people onto the wedding list. This is a problem financially and logistically. Financially as how the hell do we pay for these people? Logistically as I am not sure the venue can handle 14 more people. I have since received an email from my sister saying she doesn't think all of them will come to the wedding (it being a Wednesday, at 6pm and in Deer Park)...so let's see what goes on with that.

- Other wedding planning is going ahead. Hotel is booked for the night before and the night of the wedding, florist appointments made (one is with my 'uncle', the other with a florist that Ted's mom is using for her wedding). Minister is booked. Invites being designed. Favours have been cancelled and we will be donating money to the Sophie Lancaster Foundation. Photographer has been axed as we just can't afford it. Digital cameras have now turned into disposable ones due to the cost. Not much more I can do at this point, I think...but my brain is always one thought away from the wedding.

- Move is happening. I have done most of the change of addresses, booked the movers, order the cable/broadband/phone (don't get me started about Sky - they are the devil incarnate and as organised an a bag of frogs). We scored a 37" telly and DVD player from the current tenants (they are moving back to Australia) for £100. I need to book Tony to come and paint...and a professional cleaner to clean the current flat. Brigid is being kind enough to help me bring the kitties to the new place...So...okay.

- I guess the worst thing is missing Ted. Yes, we IM all day practically and we get to see each other briefly on Skype when he gets home from work and most of the weekend, but damn I miss that man. Can't wait for these 9 1/2 weeks (sorry I just chuckled in a very Beavis and Butthead kind of way at that) to just be over so I can be curled up with him.

*sigh*

What type of home do you live in?
Currently (moving in a month and a half) - 1920-30's ground floor flat

Is your home all on one level or is it a 2 storey home?
one level...I do miss stairs though

Do you consider your home to be "in the country" or "in the city"?
suburbs...leafy, but close enough to town.

What is the most dominant colour throughout your home?
scarlet...or green ... or blue

What is on the front of your fridge right now?
a magnet from when we went to a theme park

What is one of the oldest items in your home?
My two antiques. A side table and a secretary...they are from the 1920's I believe

Whether big or small... what was the last item you purchased for your home? (not including groceries)
hmmm. Hard one...um towels I think

What is your favorite spot in your home?
My spot on the couch....or my bed (if Ted's in it especially!)

What was your favorite thing about this home when you first looked at it?
Oh definitely the fireplace (why I am also so happy about the new place, it has one too..although both are non working)

If money was no object what is the one thing you would change in your home?
Keep it.

How many chairs at your dining table?
6

What colour(s) are the sheets on your bed?
Black fitted sheet, scarlet flat sheet. I still haven't put on my summer linens. (although I do change my bed linens every week thank you)

Do you have a "junk drawer"? Where?
Yep. In the kitchen

What is the first room you walk into from your front door?
Foyer...into the hallway

How many bedrooms do you have?
Two double, but I use the second as a dining room

Is there a fuzzy cover on the lid of any toilet in your home?
No...

How far do you have to drive to get to the nearest Wal Mart?
I have no clue.

Favorite piece of furniture in your home?
My lamp from Whitby...I just love it.

What would you call your decorating "style" ?
Mine...nothing you could put a finger or label on I think.

Okay...I found it!
(there are negatives)

So I got a notification this morning that there was a 2 bed available in Hampstead Garden Suburb, £25 less a week...I called and arranged a viewing based on just a picture of the outside of the building. Definitely 1920'3 or 30's on a really quiet cul-de-sac.

There is a 143 bus that takes us right to East Finchley tube. A bit longer than my journey now, but not bad. There is a pub within walking distance which seems nice and three off-licenses.

So, the flat.

Kitchen..it's smaller than what I have now, but completely manageable, with a dishwasher, washer/dryer and lots of cabinet space. All white...so I can have lots of fun with that.

Bathroom...it's dove grey, large. Definitely good.

Second Bedroom is as large as my current master bedroom.

Master Bedroom is HUGE!!! HUGE!!! and one whole wall is JUST BUILT IN CLOSETS! (Ted might get one) So lots of storage and space.

Living Room is also HUGE, with a gorgeous period fireplace.

There is also a communal garden which is used. There is a picnic table already there...and the estate agent said that they really do use it a lot, which is nice.

So the negatives?
Carpets...everywhere. I will have to deal with it and make sure the kitties don't destroy it.
It needs a BIG clean and some minor cosmetic fixes, but I have been assured that it will be fixed.
It has really crap wallpaper, but they have said that I can paint if they buy the paint.

Some other pluses though:
They are going to leave two sofas, which means I don't have to buy one or bother Brigid for hers.
The living room is big enough I think, for the dining room table AND the living furniture pretty comfortably.
However, if it isn't (and depending on whether I have a temp lodger), might be able to use the second bedroom as both the dining room and Ted's games console room. (Yes, it's that big)

So...waiting for the details from the estate agent and hopefully send over the deposit.

Oh and I don't have to move until the 15th of April which means that I have lots of time to save, to pack, to clean, to sort.

Bounce...Bounce...

I felt the feeling..that it was home. It needs love but I can see me living there, the cats living there and more importantly, Ted and me living there...snuggled on the couch...*smile*

So I found a flat about a five minute walk from Finchley Central station. I didn't want to go farther out (although it's only one stop farther, it's the next zone) and the area is not ideal (okay, I am spoiled here) but it's a three bedroom for just £50 a month. Although coupled with the extra cost for Zone 4, it will end up being a bit more than just £50 a month.

It's first floor...again, not ideal. It has carpet in the hallway and the bedrooms, but the kitchen and living room don't.

The living room is a great size..definitely. The kitchen is an eat in kitchen (and it's 'almost' open plan between the kitchen and living room so it feels really large and airy). There is a dishwasher (a definite plus) and lots of cupboards. And a big fridge (Ted loves to cook like me and would find a small fridge hard I think)

There are two single bedrooms. One a little larger than the other, but both are small-ish. Would probably put the dining room table in the smallest of the two. Although it would be tight. The other single bedroom would be for Ted and his 'games' room/guest room (I don't really like the idea of games consoles in the living room).

The master bedroom has built in closets...not enough for all of my stuff and eventually Ted's so it might be that a wardrobe will need to be bought. (or I get rid of a lot of clothes)

There is a water closet/separate bathroom/toilet...and the tub room (for lack of a better word) really needs modernising which the landlord said he plans to do (I will make that part of the tenancy if we go for it).

There is a huge loft. HUGE! So lots of storage for Christmas stuff and other things. And the door for it is stained glass which when cleaned up will bring in some really nice light.

The outside of the house is not really nice...the person on the ground floor doesn't take care of the frot garden and the posts for the metal gate is rotting away.

I have another flat to see tomorrow evening...it's a little farther out still, but it's all wood flooring, and there is a garage as part of it...and there are built in closets everywhere...and it's the same rent I am paying now. *sigh*

Not sure what to do....thinking thinking thinking. Hard. I'm not just making this decision for me and the kitties, but for Ted and his cats...really hard.

Our agency is kind enough to have bread, butter, marmite, peanut butter, jam, cereal, orange juice (some generic brand) every morning for us.

Please review that list.

Does it mention cream cheese? Does it mention Tropicana organge juice?

No, it does not.

I buy it for myself as that's what I like for brekkie. I don't like juice with bits, I only drink Tropicana and I like toast with cream cheese in the morning.

I noticed my juice was oddly finishing sooner than normally...It's not cheap and it's one of the few luxuries I am allowing myself as I save for move/wedding. So, I put my name on it. Didn't think it was necessary, but okay..fine.

So this morning I find someone using my cream cheese...I ask about it.

'It was in the fridge'

Um...so is a lot of other people's either brekkie food (one girl eats mackrel every morning), lunches, etc.

You didn't buy it, it's not what the office normally provides.

You are either stupid or rude...considering recent events, I am actually going with stupid which actually makes me angrier.

So...
I have been searching for a new place for me, and eventually Ted, to move to...I know that I am very lucky to have had the place I live in for the past four years or so...the space I have for the money I spend. But FFS - the market is shit out there and is not making feel encouraged at all.

I have 7 viewings in the next three days. Cross fingers that one of them works out. We have had to broaden our search area as it looks unlikely we can stay in Hampstead Garden Suburb. I did look at Stoke Newington, but I just don't think it's for us, well for me. I love parts of it (Clissold Park for instance) and that a lot of my friends live there, but...I don't know, just doesn't feel like the right place for us.

So - we are looking at Hampstead Garden Suburb (of course), East Finchley, Finchley, West Finchley, Highgate, Friern Barnet, Muswell Hill and Mill Hill.

There is also the possibility of Bounds Green, Southgate (but it's in North London?), Tufnell Park, and Arnos Grove. Any thoughts about those? I don't know much about the areas but...well, input would be welcome.

We are looking for a two bedroom flat (minimum), wood/laminate flooring, unfurnished. Those are the main requirements. Outdoor space, period features are two other things we would love, but are not mandatory.

Of course - must allow cats.

I saw one the other day. You could not swing a cat in the kitchen. Seriously, it made my current one look huge. The second bedroom would have barely fit a single bedroom (it was a glorified walk in closet). In the bathroom, there wasn't a normal shower, it was about three feet above the tub...I know I am small but even I would struggle with that. Oh and the mirror was so high, I could just about see my forehead in it. So...that was a no.

The hard part is that this is for Ted and I. Although I know he trusts me and my taste, etc., how the hell am I going to live there without him, leaving space for him to move in next year? Me leave a closet empty???? This will be fun.

We have decided that although some of my furniture needs replacing - especially the couch (I am going to be so embarrassed having the movers move it) - we are going to wait until he moves over so that we choose things together and make it more of our home as opposed to my home that he moves into.

Anyway...that's where we are with the move. I have until the end of August, but I really just want to get it sorted as soon as so I can then concentrate on the wedding. Yes,

alabastamasta, I have six months - but there is so much to plan and organise...

So...ta...and toodles for now.

Sorry I haven't been really around (the biggest apologies to Ted, who has gotten the short end of the stick over this last week)...but work hit me with a curve ball last Monday evening and it's 13/14 hour days ever since and coming in over the weekend.

Although I am exhausted, cranky...there has been some really good things about this marathon of work.

- With this project, I was able to really get my feet solidly into the agency, put a real project together (not just researching and writing a strategic document), get to know and work with people.

- I also ended up working with most of the major members of the board, so they got to see me in action. I think (hope) I impressed them with my attitude, my work ethic, well, my work. I think before this, they kind of wondered what I did around here (which I did too sometimes - as I felt a bit useless)

- I have been managing one of my assistants (I swear if I ever have another job - and I hope I don't and stay here for years and years - I am going to insist on meeting my assistant(s) first. How do they get these jobs???? Honestly??? I have had more crappy ones than good ones...and the only good ones are the ones that I have hired - sans one. The rest? Oh - don't get me started...Priyanka is an entry all on her own) a lot more and have been complimented on it twice...which is good as one is a senior member of planning and the other the head of HR.

- I also have my three month review coming up and I needed SOMETHING to show I have been doing more than what I had been doing...and now I have the right people to ask reviews from who I believe will give me favourable reviews.

The only bad thing is that my boss was not here to see it, being in Malta (hiring a private yacht for him and his boyfriend...wish I had that money - could have probably paid for our wedding). Then again - if he had been, he would have micromanaged/questioned me so much that I wouldn't have done have the job that I think I did.

Okay....off to have a fag and start the day...deadline today...let's see if I get out of here before...hmmm...we'll say 10pm?

(btw - in this industry - if you don't love what you do and still do it, you are insane...so please don't yell at me for working crazy hours...it's the nature of my job sometimes and I love what I do...even if I bitch about it from time to time.)

Well, must start with last night. On the way home, my nose started running and I started to feel feverish. Got home...and the sneezing and runny nose came on like the devil itself and I felt like crap. Poor Ted, who has barely seen me or spoken to me this week could only look on via Skype and offer me sympathy.

So today:
- Woke up this morning with a killer headache - not a migraine, but a killer headache.
- Got off the tube to have it start raining on me. No umbrella
- Got to the office to find homeless man sleeping in doorway
- Got key stuck in security gate for 5th floor office, set alarm off
- One of the two shoots called off due to the rain
- Having to lay out the money for 24-hr locksmith to get key out of said security gate (if they show up)

On the plus side:
- Toolkit is in a good place although we haven't had amends from one of the senior bods here so it could all be shit in his eyes and we start all over again (which would mean I live here for the next 36-48 hours)

I can't wait to tell my boss (who is on holiday in Malta) when he returns that I am taking a day in lieu since I worked all weekend. And that I am taking it either this Friday or in July so I can flat hunt.

To be honest, I can't wait to find the new flat. I feel like I am in limbo. And I can't really save for the wedding when I don't know what the final cost of moving will be. I am trying...but it's just annoying.

Well, I am home now...and exhausted...just want to take a bubble bath, but don't have the energy to run one.

blah.

Try not to be lame and spoil the fun! Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The easiest way to do it is to hit ' forward '
so you can change the Answers or copy and paste. Have fun and be truthful!

1. What is your occupation right now? Executive Producer (Or Senior Account Director if it was any other agency)

2. What colour are your socks right now? I'm wearing black tights

3. What are you listening to right now? I have no idea...whatever is being played in the agency

4. What was the last thing that you ate? toast

5. Can you drive a manual car? yep

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? an estate agent

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yep - she's fantastic

8. How old are you today? 42

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? American football

10. What is your favourite drink? White wine for alcoholic, orange juice for non-alcoholic

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?I can't even remember what colour it was originally

12. Favourite food? PIZZA

13. What is the last movie you watched? Pirates of the Caribbean 4

14. Favourite day of the year? Any day I get to spend with Ted

15. How do you vent anger? Throw things

16. What was your favourite toy as a child? All my stuffed animals, I still have many of them

17. What is your favourite season? Winter

18. Cherries or Blueberries? Neither - they give me hives.

19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Sure

20. Who is the most likely to respond? Ruthy

21. Who is least likely to respond? Sally

22. Where do you stay? Hampstead Garden Suburb

23. When was the last time you cried? yesterday

24. Whats on the floor of your closet? Shoes

25. Who is the friend you've had the longest that you are sending to? Ummm....Racheal?

26. What did you do last night? Rested/Relaxed

27. What are you most afraid of? Loud noises

28.. Hamburgers? Once in a while

29. Favourite animal? Any animal!! I love all creatures

30. Favourite day of the week? Friday!

31. How many countries have you lived in? two

32. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds! Sparkly!!!!

33. What is your favourite flower? Alstromeria

So on Saturday, Brigid and I went looking for my wedding dress. I knew what I wanted...I had seen it on line..but would it look good on me?

Damn, it did. I was a little disappointed that the fabric that we saw in a different style of dress I can't get in the style that I want, but I tried the dress on again this morning...and cried...I don't look like dot cotton (ie an old lady getting married) but feel like a grown up princess. It's what I wanted. And I have a lot of time to find/have made something for my head (a hat or something) and what I do with my hair. And find shoes...that will probably be the hardest thing to do with my little feet.

After buying the dress, Brigid and I went to the Big Red for drinks...no one joined us, except Gally was there and entertained us for a bit. I somehow got very drunk on very few drinks and went home while Brigid went out further. I babbled to Ted on Skype (sorry hun for being so silly) and then passed out.

I spent yesterday cleaning out closets...and realising as I don't have kids, a lot of the yellow gold jewelery that I have is just taking up space and will sell it. Memories aside, I need the cash for the wedding, the move and I never wear any of it. Some pieces I will keep, my god daughters might want them, but some are just not sentimental enough to keep.

I have work to do today but I am starting to think of moving...if I don't have to do work on the flat, except for a professional clean, I can move sooner...And get that done and dusted and really save just for the wedding. I want to get everything sorted so I can just relax...and enjoy being a bride to be.

Brigid and I did a prelim list of people for the UK wedding and I revised it today. We are looking at 150+ people!!! My god!

Grumble...I want to go out and play today....but every penny spent is a penny that can go to my move and the wedding...*sigh*

Maybe my idea of a perfect flat is wrong....but I love my flat, period features, lots of light, space....it's a perfect 1930's flat.

So, why are the buyers of my flat wanting to destroy it all???

Drop ceiling in the kitchen with a modern sliding door into the living room. And a door from the living room to the hall...wouldn't that make the living room seem smaller than it is? (it's not small, but confined....um....I know a little bit about interior design..or maybe I have common sense)

Ripping out the wardrobes in the main bedroom, moving the radiator...um...take away the beauty of the view from bed over the park.

Bathroom to be completely redone...go for it...the leak from the flat above will still come through...

And the worst? I tried to be nice, explain the situation, that I don't have to move until the end of August...and the BITCH of the couple was so not caring that I wanted to hit her. I am trying to be honest about the flat, the reception (or no reception), the time table.....but she (and her mother) wouldn't hear it...'You should talk to your landlord about this' is the answer I got back.

Well, on the good side, they are going to gut the entire place...so I am going to talk to my landlords and work with them. Why shouldn't I get my entire deposit back when they are going to redo everything???

If I can work that out, it saves me a lot of money of having the place repainted and more importantly, the doors which the cats have carved their own way into, not replaced. I will have it professionally cleaned once I leave, but the weight off my mind (possibly) of having to spend over £1000 to get the flat back to its original state is just amazing.

I did have to laugh at the male of this couple....he is so whipped it's pathetic.

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jezebelblue

December 2012

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The Adventures of a Little Girl falling over the Edge of Sanity

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