The Adventures of a Little Girl falling over the Edge of Sanity

So...yeah...this trip...what can I say?

Arriving with the normal 'oh my god I can see him!!' excitement on Thursday we went off back to Ted's with silly grins...a stop for food.. and then...I have to say, I crashed on the couch for an hour or so, jet lag taking the best of me and just unable to keep my eyes open...we snuggled, cuddled, and had a lovely night together.

As usual, my UK body clock had me up at stupid o'clock when it came to NY and poor Ted had to deal with me. I feel so horrible about it...but even when I am back in the UK, once I am awake, I am awake and it takes a bit to get me to go back to sleep...poor Ted...he is the most patient.

Friday involved food...pizza...food...and telly and cuddles and snuggles...oh..and then we went into Manhattan as his friends had bought Ted tickets to see Jim Jeffries at Caroline's...so off we went. We thought we had enough time for dinner, but alas...no..Ted had gone over to pick up the tickets after we ordered and found out we were being seated in 10 minutes. Cue frantic canceling of order and run to venue.

Jim Jeffries was really funny (although sometimes stretching the 'acceptability' edge a bit) and we had a lovely night. Walking through NY drives me bonkers (it's like Oxford Street but 10x worse) but when you have someone you love holding your hand, it's okay....

We got back home and started to getting ready for sleeps...and that's when it happened. Ted and I have talked about getting married for a bit (and not just for visa purposes you cynical minds)...but..it was all a bit abstract, a little 'out there', a little 'yes and one day I will own a mansion with servants and a butler and have ten cars and....' - you know what I mean..

He asked me to marry him...I won't tell you all that he said, that's for us to remember privately forever...but he asked...and I said yes...and he put the ring on my finger...I don't think I have been able to not look at it for more than ten minutes since...usually starting to well up or just smile.

So...then...yeah...lunch with my mother. We actually cut it really close...no, let me admit it, we were ten minutes late. That was due to traffic, dropping off stuff at Ted's friend, Julia's house for the birthday BBQ that evening, and then having to stop off to get alcohol, as I was having near panic attacks about seeing my mother. I won't even start explaining my mother to anyone. If you don't know, well, I haven't known you for long, but believe me, she's a character/sitcom/mental health diagnosis waiting to happen.

I had told her I was in NY for work (yes, I know it's a lie, but you have to work with me here..she barely knew that Ted and I were back together)...so when we arrived, I just kind of scooped her up (not physically, just went in there, gave some story about the NY visit and told her about her chariot awaiting and asked her where she wanted to go for lunch) and off we went to Applebee's (yeah, we are classy)...Poor Ted, who is so very snuggly and cuddly, was having such a hard time not being so...like a race horse wanting to run, but being held back..anyway..Food and drinks ordered...this was the chance:

Me: Mom, I came to NY for a couple of reasons and one I didn't know about. Work...and Ted's birthday...and um..well, (hand comes out from under table) Ted and I got engaged.

Mom: Oh..(inspects hand, ring)..very nice, nice...good, oh...well, wear it in good health (WTF does that mean????) very nice...congratulations...btw, did you hear what they are talking about with Bin Laden? Like I need to know he had porn?

I tried to steer her back to the wedding/marriage several times during dinner. It was usually quite unsuccessful for more than five minutes.

Oh until the one thing I KNEW she would say:

Mom: You know, now that you have such a nice ring, you really should get your nails done.

I had predicted this on the way to meet her...nice to know she doesn't ever surprise me.

We got through dinner...and then dropped her off..we HAD to tell her landlady (well, they are nice people) who was lovely but also wondering if I was staying at my mom's...um? Hello? *sigh* Whatever.

We then hightailed it to Julia's for the Mega Birthday BBQ. Julia's husband was just last week, Ted's is the 15th and his brother's, Randy, the 16th...There was much merriment had...although I have to admit...the 'yeah we already assumed' reaction to our engagement was kind of a disappointment, although understood...but the ladies were huggy and happy about it...maybe it's just the men?

Eventually I was exhausted and it had rained and we tottered home..watched telly, snuggled and just were a couple...I love that part of my trip...us just being a couple.

I woke up yesterday, allowing the birthday boy to sleep (but also bursting with news that I could not tell anyone until he told his family....damn I wanted to change my FB status!!) and started to investigate venues for the wedding in NY. So that everyone is understanding (and if people haven't gotten this far in this post...well, Fuck them)...

- We are aiming to get married in NY in December between Christmas and New Years (the 28th is the target date)
- The NY ceremony is going to be SMALL. And I mean SMALL!!!!! We did a prelim list and we are trying to keep it to 50 MAX.
- The NY ceremony will NOT be a normal wedding. We are looking towards a venue where we can have it all in one, without all the hoopla,...just have the ceremony, a sit down meal with music in the background and that is it. A bit later on that...
- We will be having, once Ted moves over and we have the cash to do it, an affirmation ceremony in London. (Think March out of towners...think March...although Batty, I want to make sure that you can be there, so we need to talk dates). THAT will be the big party...Already have two venues in mind..and to be honest, have more sorted (at least in my head) for what I want for the UK one than the NY one...but...hey....*shrug*

So yesterday, we did some shopping, had some Chinese food (I eat so much when I am here, I will be so fat when I get back to London...) and then did something that means the world to me...just spent time watching telly, cuddled up..chit chatting, snuggling...(god I am going to miss that when I am in London)...I know I got tipsy..and judging from the empty bottles in the kitchen, he was too (I am spoiled like a complete princess with Ted...I have no idea of anything except being totally taken care of...it's strange and weird and I love it)

I have no idea what today will bring...probably some wedding plans as it's going to be hard to plan to NY wedding with me in London...BUT...Ted wanted to try out this restaurant near him for his birthday...outside, it's not much, but when you walk in, it's funky and cool...like a NY restaurant but without tables being on top of one another. We had already looked and knew they did events/weddings...but...I sat there and started organizing...tables, where the ceremony could happen, table decorations...it all just started to fall into place...so we needed to take notice of the food...

The food was gorgeous...gorgeous...tops...And when Ted went to the bathroom, I spoke to the waitress about weddings, etc...and said I was being selfish taking over Ted's birthday dinner with wedding talk...she came out later with a little fruit cup with a candle in it...How SWEET!!!

Spoke to the manager/owner and we are meeting him before I leave on Tuesday. If we can sort out a cost that is manageable, we may have found our venue...WOW!

Anyway...that's where we are right now...you?

So, it's the Wedding Day of William and Kate. I am not a royalist or a non-royalist. I see both sides of the argument, although I probably fall on the side of understanding how much the Royal Family bring into the country as a tourist attraction (goodness knows I went to see the changing of the guards and went to Buckingham Palace as a tourist) and that the family does a hell of a lot of charity work (my mom can't do an 1/8th of what the Queen does in a day)...anywhoooo...

I am a romantic.

And they seem like a genuine couple...who love one another...and hey...I am a romantic.

So...congrats to them both.

then again, I am lucky, I found my prince*. And everyday I feel like a princess.


*Then again, since I had to wait until I am 42 and after broken marriages on both sides, does that makes us Charles and Cornelia?

So..I rushed out of work last night to meet the estate agents and perspective buyers. As usual, the entrance to Oxford Circus tube was closed so I walked to Goodge Street (I actually like the walk after work to Goodge Street. Clears my head and as it’s been relatively good weather (some days brilliant) and it’s good to get some exercise!)

Caught tube, then waited a while for the bus. I ended up being about 8 minutes late. (I hate being late). I saw them outside the flat and ran up apologising profusely.

‘No worries, I already showed them the flat.’

WTF!?

I told her (the estate agent) in no uncertain terms were she to enter my flat with buyers unless I was present. I don’t know these people from a hole in the wall and I have three cats (‘Oh we saw’ was the buyers response) I did tell her that I would be calling the landlords to ensure that this did not happen again. I wasn’t rude...but I was firm.

Bear in mind that I keep the dining room closed as the kitties tend to break things in there. If they had not noticed a kitty run in there when they opened it, they could have locked one of the kitties in there. GRRRRRRR

I left a message for my landlord who called me back shortly telling me she hadn’t listened to it. I explained the situation and she was very apologetic and told me she would speak to the estate agent. But...

She got all serious and I got worried. And although this is relatively good news, it’s not the way I would have like it to happen:

1) They have had very little interest in the flat. She thinks it’s because there will be some major work going on for the balance of the year which will raise the service charge (new road in front, redecorating of all the common areas). NB: This may raise my rent, although she didn’t say anything.
2) This is the bad one. She has been diagnosed with breast cancer and is having surgery in two weeks and will be unavailable for the following 2 months which means she won’t be available to do a sale even if one comes along.

What that means is that for the time being, I can stay in my flat. We discussed it and I told her that I really had no intention of leaving if there is any chance of me staying in the flat. Of course, though, they are not taking it off the market...but I told her I would need at least two to three months to move as I have a lot of expenses coming up until at least, if not longer, the end of the year.

So...I stay...and probably until the end of the year at least I have a feeling.

Phew...

Maybe, just maybe I might be able to go to Whitby in November now...hmmmm anyone got space free? (just me, Ted will be busy in NY prepping for his move hopefully!)

So there were a lot of firsts these past few weeks. Ted’s first trip to the UK, which included his first Whitby Gothic Weekend, first ‘real’ fish and chips,’ first ‘real’ Guiness, Wagamama’s 55 Bar Cocktails...meeting all my friends, the list goes on and on...and you know what?

It was probably some of the best 12 days I have spent in my life (minus the anxiety of he arriving and the misery of him leaving)

( The Whitby Gothic Weekend )

So that was Ted’s and my Whitby Gothic Weekend, March 2011.

What we did after will be the next post!

Can't it get easier???

I have spent the day split between crying and sleeping. I just miss him soooo much. I just want him back. I want his American middle class guidance, his common sense. His stupid laugh. The way he protected me. The way that he would get around my mom so I could do what I wanted. (Rob's prom in 1985 springs to mind) The $20 or so given to me when I needed it. Sitting in the living room watching telly and he talking on and on...never minded it. He was my superstar...my hero...

Annmarie says I should I do something special on this day so that I am not so sad...

I can't.

I want my dad...I just want my dad...

They say that you get over this...I don't think I ever ever ever will. I love my Ted...but my heart will always be broken.

A friend of mine died.
His family had disowned him because he was gay.
We are sorting out arrangements, me from the UK and his partner from the US.
I can't think through the tears. Well, I am trying to.

I woke up this morning to find that someone was (cynical head here) trying to fuck with someone I love. And then as I was trying to leave the house, the phone rang...news that I knew I would get....but not now, please....

You were too special. You taught me soo much. How to love without worrying. How to be without caring. How to be selfish without thinking that was wrong.

I am now in the kind of relationship that you wanted for me...and you had only a short time to be happy for me...but you were. The one email I have from you about it will be printed and saved...as it was so lovely and so filled with love, happiness and... just...

You were a guiding light. You and I did not talk as much as we should have with life getting involved...But...your spirit, your light always stays with me.

I missed seeing you before...now I won't ever see you again. My heart is breaking....but I know you would kick me and yell 'Girl, get over yourself'

I will...but can I have today to cry a lot?

...it couldn't have been more perfect....

Woke up and found it was a gorgeous day...brekki made for me by Ted (I could get used to this being spoiled thing) and then it was off to see Gnomeo and Juliet...it was a cute film with lots of inside jokes to other movies (I got most of them I think)...then we picked up our lunch from the house we had made before the movie and made our way to Oyster Bay. I had gone there every Sunday until I was about 5 or 6 with my entire Italian family...with the marquee and the food (breakfast, lunch and dinner) being made there and the total set up, people joked all we needed was a carpet and chandelier. And I just wanted to see it. Unfortunately, a 5 year old's memory is not what it should be and although I KNOW it was Oyster Bay, it wasn't the area we went to...but never the mind, we set up our little picnic...

wait..it's February....did you just say a picnic on the beach?

Yes, it was that beautiful yesterday. About 66 degrees..sunny...lovely...back to the picnic.

We sat on the beach, ate our sandwiches, laughed at seagulls (one was quite the bully, another did not like gummy bears)...and just enjoyed the sunshine, the day...

Eventually, it did get too cold and we wandered back home, rested and then got ready to go for dinner with Ted's friends, Jamie and James, who were so kind to let us stay at their home in December when I got stuck in NY and they were away...Chinese food was had, laughter and then my normally very good at maths brain failing.

Back to the house and we got ready to go to the city...(I naturally fell asleep in the car)... The club was actually okay...smaller version of Dead & Buried perhaps? I want to bring Dave Exile, Katy Kitten and Martin Old Goth over for a good session for these guys...oh and a whole bunch of us...it wasn't until the end that I finally got to dance..but a good boogie was had.

Back home...exhausted, Ted and I chatted, drank some wine (he was driving so had not had a drink) and finally fell asleep at an indecent hour.

Of course..that means that I am now up at a ridiculous hour as my body clock (or am I still tipsy from last night?) means that I think it's 3:45 in the afternoon so I ~must~ have had a lie in!

Last full day in NY with Ted... :(

Some errands (when I can wake him up...he's dead to the world right now), then dinner being cooked for us by his brother...

Tomorrow will just be about us...my last day in NY before I head back to London...but...don't worry! There will be a new countdown of how many sleeps until he is in the UK!! *bounce*

So although I had a huge wait at the airport (with Wag's and good book so it wasn't that bad), the flight was pretty good with it being virtually empty so I had several seats so I could stretch out. Didn't sleep as much as I wanted on the flight...and I had to check my bag which meant I would have to wait for it...but when we arrived 20 minutes early (top pilot that man) I was all excited!

And then it happened. A full flight from Hong Kong had landed at the same time so the line for customs was GINORMOUS!!!! It was about 30 minutes waiting...and waiting...and waiting. Finally got to the guy and he asks if I was okay after ascertaining I live in London. 'I'm fine, just haven't seen my boyfriend since Christmas.'

'Well, then, let's get you out of here.' And stamped my passport.

Bag was sitting there all ready for me, I quickly went through the last of the security when I got stuck behind a family that looked like they had just moved from Hong Kong for all their luggage and was taking an eternity to walk out...I was getting cranky, especially as I had spotted Ted reading on his nook (like a kindle)..as I was hidden behind some man with a trolley of enough boxes that they were taller and wider than any of my tallest friends, he didn't see me until the very last second.

Cue big romantic reunion (no - I won't bore you with those details)

Waiting for me in the car was KFC mashed potatoes with gravy (I love that stuff and can't get it in London)

Long ass drive to Deer Park...

Ted has filled the fridge with lots of yummy things that he knows are my favourites..

Cue big romantic reunion again (definitely won't share those details)

We exchanged our Valentine's gifts. Pathetically, we both had the same idea...so we had to laugh when I got a bear and he got a kitten (not real live ones, mind you. Although Ted has always wanted a baby bear)

Now my body thinks it's about 11am...NY is telling me it's 6am. So...I have gotten up, had some food, a smoke and having a bit more wine before I try to get back to sleep.

It's so great to see my Ted again...these days will go way too fast...

(no Ted this not about you - it's about me)
My friends are sooooo intelligent. They can talk about issues that I kind of know about...but perhaps because how and where I was brought up, I focus on other things. Today...here...the politics here.

I have no fucking clue about Palestine and Israel. That's wrong, I know a bit but I don't understand why, the background, what made this happen? That makes me sound simple, so it's wrong, I have some idea, but I honestly can say that I can't have an opinion either way because I don't know enough to form one.

There are so many issues that you are all so educated about...and all I can add to some conversations is the latest news from the theatre world...(btw - Tori Amos' first musical is coming to the National this year)

I guess I sometimes feel stupid. Or perhaps uneducated...because I know I am not stupid.

I fall I think, into this little gap....I am not the OK Magazine girl (kill me if I ever buy one) but I am not highly aware by searching and learning from the net, books, newspapers, whatever...But then again, I am not that....grrrr.

I know a lot of what I love (theatre, musicals, dance), but I don't know enough of what I really should? is that the right way to say it?

But can anyone really know all of several things (for lack of better word?) I would rather read Stage than something about what is going on politically (unless it affects theatre funding)...does that make me shallow? Ignorant?

discuss

My friend Lisa's son lost his battle with cancer yesterday. This gorgeous little boy battled for so long, was so courageous....reading Lisa's journal makes me sob, feel so humble. What the hell do I have to complain about?

I have known Lisa since I was about 7. She was the niece of my first dance teacher. She yelled at me when I cried when my parasol wouldn't open on stage in my first solo. Her brother Rob was my first boyfriend (shit, he was my first everything)....I have known her entire family most of my life. I directed her in The Glass Menagerie in uni...we did so many shows together...she is a talented, amazing woman.

We lost track of each other over the years...but thanks to FB we reconnected...I followed Aiden's struggle, but always thought he would pull through. He had the Hamlin spirit...he just would fight and win....that's the way the Hamlins are....

They had a good Christmas...Mark Sanchez from the NY Jets made that little boy smile...his hero took the time out to make Aiden his friend and give him joy.

My heart goes out to Lisa and her family. I wish there was something I could do. I hope that they take comfort that he is no longer in pain and can now just look down on them and keep an eye on them....